Since I was completely apartment locked / bomb sheltered during Irene, I decided to take a peek at this blog of mine. I realized I started this post in November of 2010, but never finished it. It only seems fitting that my time in New York made this ever more clear.

A few years ago, one of my friends sent me this poem by Courtney E. Martin where she sums up the life of the modern? woman. For me, it could not have been more on point. In essence, girls today hear the words, “You can be anything,” and interpret it as, “You have to be everything.” In college, my free-spirited, anti-establishment brother whom I lived with kept trying to get me to take anti-anxiety medication. I thought he was crazy… and he thought I was crazy. But he was right. Maybe not about the you should take meds part, but he was right about me being an anxiety-filled lunatic.

I realized it wasn’t just me. Every woman I know is anxious. We want to be the best friends, best daughters, best sisters, best entrepreneurs, best innovators, best dressed, best bodied, best travelled, best cultured, best x y z.

And somehow we glamourize this frenzied state of being. I guess if we are happy with who we are at the end of the day, who am I to judge.

But for me… Who run the world? Squirrels (coined by Devon Hong, glamazon).

Our Bodies, Our Anxiety, Ourselves

By: Courtney E. Martin

 

We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books,

five-year plans. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers,

the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read and witty,

intellectually curious, always moving.

 

We are living contradictions. We are socially conscious, multiculti,

and anticorporate, but we still shop at Gap and Banana Republic. We

make documentary films, knit sweaters, and DJ. We are “social

smokers,” secretly happy that the cigarettes might speed up our

metabolisms, hoping they won’t kill us in the process.

 

We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive

on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth

control, Prozac, and multivitamins. We do strip aerobics, hot yoga,

always go five more minutes than the limit on any exercise machine at

the gym.

 

We are relentless, judgmental of ourselves, and forgiving of others.

We never want to be as passive-aggressive as our mothers, never want

to marry men as uninspired as our fathers. We carry the old world of

guilt – center of our families, keeper of relationships, caretaker of

friends – with the new world of control/ambition – rich, independent,

powerful.

 

We are the daughters of feminists who said, “You can be anything,”

and we heard, “You have to be everything.”

For the few of you who actually read my blog but don’t actually know me, let me start off by saying that I just moved to LA without a penny in my pocket and the belief that God will provide a way. Thus far, He has exceeded my expectations by far. However, I’ve been having issues with my current apartment. The landlord and I have been going back and forth about the rent since she has changed our rent agreement after I gave her my deposit. However, I’ve been lucky enough to secure another apartment to live in for December.

And this is where the first part of my story begins.

Yesterday, I responded to an ad on Craigslist. A strange email came back from a man named Prince Mumba. At first I thought it might have been a scam since the name sounded a little… well let’s just say it’s not Joe Smith or Christine Davis. However, I responded back and told him I would like to see his place anyway since it was one of the only listings I can afford with my itsy bitsy salary close to where I work. Later on I googled him to find out that he is an Olympic Athlete from Zambia, so I was a little more comfortable with meeting a stranger in Venice at 10pm.. I went over to his apartment which was immaculately cleaned and organized. It was amazing how well kept his room was for a dude. In my head, I was thinking “How In The World Could He Rent This Place Out For 800 Bucks?!” I told him I’d take it. And he said, “Okay, I’ll tell the other people not to come, and it’s yours for December”. I asked him if he needed a deposit, a background check, a copy of my drivers’ license, anything. All he said was “I just need your word”. It took me back by surprise. How can a man who just met me trust that I wouldn’t flake, or even worse trash his home?

It dawned on me that our word in America today means nothing. It might mean something to a friend or a family member, but businesses would never just take your word for something without getting some type of legal, binding document involved. In regards to my situation with my current landlord, parts of me really wish I could just put faith in her character, but I just can’t. I can’t because she didn’t stick to her word in the past and I just don’t know her. And that’s really sad. In a world where our words mean nothing, all we have to show for are our things, our material things; our character is devalued and abased.

So I’ve decided to believe in and expect honesty, truthfulness and loyalty. It might come back to bite me in the ass, but I refuse to live in a world where our character is worthless.

After being touched by this man’s words, I stumble upon a woman living out of her car in the parking lot of Pavillions in Marina Del Rey. At first I decided to just ignore her because she probably doesn’t want anyone to see her. Then all I could think about were those “missed opportunities” Mac Graham, a pastor out in Richmond, talked to my church’s young professionals group about. So I sat in my car. I called a friend to get her opinion. Then I prayed. I prayed until I had enough courage to go up to her car. I fumbled with my words then finally blurted out, “Can I buy you dinner?” To my surprise and probably to her surprise too, she teared up and said, “Yes.”

The conversation was incredibly surprising and refreshing. This post will go on forever if I go into the details of what we talked about, so I’ll just end with this:

At first glance, I thought our belief in others causes us to believe in ourselves. But it’s really not about us humans. It’s all about Him – capital “H” Him. God’s character is the foundation for all things good. Our belief in others is triggered by our belief in God which causes us to believe that God can do wonders in our lives.

Sorry if this is now sounding a little preachy or unclear.

I know it’s not all fleshed out, but I wanted to get the words out there while it’s still fresh. Thanks for bearing with me.

Ta,

A

1. Yes, I got rid of my savings/mutual fund.

2. Yes, I am applying for jobs at McDonalds. I’ve applied at 3 different locations, but they don’t seem to want to hire me.

More updates to come when/if I get a job in fast food.

I just hate how I love the feeling of being comfortable. I also hate how I’ve enjoyed having an image that I am materially wealthy (I felt complimented when people call me a “Bellevue Girl”…).

Along the way, lots of things have reconfirmed to me the importance for me to stop being so dang comfortable and bougie. For example…

• During a job interview, someone asked me to share about a risk I’ve taken in my life, and what I shared about was just so UMC.
• Being an exchange student in Singapore where all of us had so much money to blow on such stupid things… I didn’t even meet an exchange student who wasn’t well off. In fact, I almost felt poor in comparison to some.
• Calling my mom a redneck when she told me she wanted to sell our Bellevue house and live in an RV… and now realizing that I say Bellevue house

Aside from the yucky feeling, I think that being so comfortable is hindering my personal growth. So, here’s my plan to get rid of the yucky feeling of loving comfort and materialism. I’m going to do things that make me uncomfortable.

• I’ve emptied out my mutual fund in which I put all my savings into for the last 6 years and gave it away
• I’m applying for a jobs at fast food restaurants in locations where people I know might see me

I think this might be a fun adventure… I’m curious as to what will happen.

To be honest, now I feel even more bougie because I just called a less privileged lifestyle “fun”. It’s like calling poverty cute. My gosh, I have a lot to learn!!

No matter how successful or unsuccessful you are, a job does not define you.

Don’t let a company tell you how to feel about yourself.

This is a long journey. We have to be content with where we are and what we are doing because there might not be a job at the end.

Other people’s success doesn’t take anything away from us.

Love God enough to be content. Love others enough not to covet.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Let everything else fall to the wayside.

1. She’s a copy cat. She takes things that have been done and turns up the volume. So when you see the Alejandro video, it’s really just a glorified remake of something Madonna, Diddy and Nas have already done. But it’s okay because she amplifies the crazy. And we are okay with it because we’ve grown accustomed to version 1.0. Catch my drift?
2. She represents every loser out there. She’s not pretty. To be a popular star, you need to be pretty. Popular kids are pretty. She failed without the crazy costumes/persona.  This is a win for every kid in the robotics club.
3. She makes weird the new cool. She makes it okay for people to embrace their weirdness because no one is as weird as Gaga. And let’s face it. Weird is fun!

Two years ago, I was competing for an internship with L’Oreal inside that building. I didn’t get it. I really wanted it. I cried (in the offices of my then internship) when I didn’t get it. So, every time I walk past that building it burns a little, but I need to let it burn. I need to remember how bad it feels.

However, I can’t let it get to my heart. I need this feeling to motivate me.

Count me in. Game on.

Which made me think..

If my family wasn’t well off, would I be courageous enough to take a job that pays only half as much as a job in Supply Chain Management (my major)? This issue really isn’t about my standard of living. I gave up my luxury goods and name brands to get me in the mindset of being independent. My hesitation to take a lower paying jobs that I’d love comes from the idea of living paycheck to paycheck. I would not make enough money to save and create a safety net–my parents would be my safety net–just in case something happened (i.e. I got into a car crash or my cat had to get a life saving surgery). Though I don’t believe in Maslow’s hierarchy, I do think that when our basic needs are met we feel safe. And when we feel safe, we are willing to take risks. And taking risks is the key to being extraordinary. I will not stand for mediocrity. There’s actually nothing I hate more than mediocrity. So, would I be able to do the best that I can in a position if I didn’t feel financially secure?

Behind most internet memes lies a force called 4chan.

What is 4chan?

To the average person, 4chan appears to be a popular imageboard where people can find the newest and latest trends. It is believed that 4chan is behind every internet meme. The sheer masses of influencers on the site can make things like lolcats an internet sensation. It is even believed that 4chan has rigged different polls online–it is most famous for changing the ranks of Time Magazine’s 100 most influential list in 2008.

Is there a way to unleash their power for advertising goodness? Imagine if your agency had the power to create internet memes…. imagine the possibilities!!

Is there more than what meets the eye?

This is where my conspiracy theory comes in… So I combed through the pages of 4chan trying to spot some trends. However, the site is just not that interesting to me. Which made me think, why in the world would people spend their time on the site?

dun dun dunnnn

Perhaps there is secret content only the savviest people can see (meaning not me). Could it be that there is a secret browser application to unlock the real content of 4chan? Could there be a secret login/code/etc safeguarded by the citizens of this elite group of internet afficianados? Could there be something more behind this site? How else can “anonymous” posters aggregate to pull off pranks and online foolishness?

Whatever is going on, I want to figure it out. Be assured that after my thesis is complete, my life will be consumed by my 4chan project (…perhaps I should have written my thesis on 4chan).

Or what if this is all a facade. Are the people of 4chan nefarious enough to trick people to believe that it is a powerful trend maker? Maybe I have fallen victim of the 4chan trickery…… doubtful, but I wouldn’t put it past them to do something like that.

Stay tuned for more.

WK in Portland created a mural made of 100K+ thumbtacks spelling out “Fail Harder” to encourage its creatives to push themselves during the creative process. BBH Labs calls itself a “skunkworks” marketing firm; Fail Blog has a business unit also called “skunkworks”. In an edition of MarTech Radio–a podcast my current agency–Defero–puts out, Al Maag  encourages his employees to try everything because it is better to fail than to do nothing at all. Google constantly launches products in BETA form hence the creation of Google Labs. Most of Google’s products really never become that popular, but the company’s attempts and failures keep the company at the forefront of the digital frontier.

This morning on NPR, there was a story about a piece of software that can predict the success of a song. I personally believe this takes the art out of music like how some forms of testing has taken out the art from advertising. In a word filled with irrational human beings, using science to predict the reactions of people seems a little ludicrous. Moreover, this testing prevents new, eccentric, different, exciting ideas from reaching fruition. Though technology definitely has helped society progress, there’s another sad side to this saga. Technology can curb the advancement of new ideas when employed in the wrong context.

How this impacts advertising

The science of post-demployment metrics should definitely be employed. But the fallacy of solely using empirical results to dictate the path for future ads appears can severely limit us. Solely using empirical results to dictate the path for future ads takes the art out of our craft at which point we are no longer in the business of ideation. We will be a shop, a commodity.